Welcome to
Josh's Healing Portal

Josh turned 16 today! We had a zoom surprise party for him and watched beautiful videos made by friends and family, celebrating him, loving him, celebrating life. Check out the life in these photos!

So grateful...

Today was another powerful step in the journey of return and integration. My heart is so full. ♥️

We are so grateful. Thank you for chanting with us, praying with us, and celebrating Josh completing his treatments and coming HOME!

7.5 months later... Josh is done!

6 months... Such a mix of feelings today as Josh finally starts his last round and we mark our exact 6 month point of this journey. Whoa!

It’s been a stop and go past few weeks - so great to be home, but also challenging to be delayed three times in coming back to the hospital, while being SO ready to get on with it and reach the finish line. Like every other part of this journey, it’s been utterly unpredictable, and a continuous lesson in surrender.

I’ve been quiet on here lately. We’ve been tired. Josh’s body is finally ready and so we begin again today. Please send PRAYERS and LOVE to Josh for GRACE to guide and PROTECT him during these next weeks until he gets to ring that long awaited bell of victory!! 

I’m feeling so connected to the energy of Imbolc that we have been journeying through these past couple of weeks - the halfway point between the Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. It is a time of looking and feeling ahead towards the Spring that is not yet here, but is most certainly on its way. Although the snow is thick on the ground today, and this winter season of our souls is very much still here, I can surely see the light at the end of the tunnel and the spring renewal on the horizon.

We deeply appreciate your love, prayers, laughter and nourishment to fuel us through these final weeks. Thank you! Go Josh!

Again, its been a good long while since I've posted here... (you can always check my FB page for more regular posts). 

Yesterday I put up fairy lights and Christmas decorations and its feeling festive and cheerful here in room 765 at Children's Hospital. Josh is over halfway through round four. He is currently in the risky zone of immunosuppression and we have friends and family around the world praying for him to make it through this time without an infection. So far so good!

We've come to respect this point in the round as the scariest part. No immune system is a radical thing, especially when we are covered in bacteria and pathogens from simply being a human. What is on his own body is the greatest risk right now. So he is keeping clean.

Yesterday was Day 15 — the exact day that scary, awful infection hit the last two rounds.  I played guitar and we watched movies and ate snacks all night. Today is now Day 16 and Josh is doing well. May it continue!!!

I awoke early this morning and went to look for the Solstice sun rise. I didn’t have to go far, this 7th floor is full of windows. As the sun peeked its way over the horizon, I felt such gratitude flood my whole being, deeply receiving the energy of renewal and return of the light.

After going downstairs for a coffee and a little more winter sunshine on my face, I came back up to Joshua’s room to find Lorna, a beloved soul from Guyana (in South America) mopping the floor outside his room. She says, “How’s my son?” This is the way she often refers to Josh. I say he’s doing well. She tells me (again) how the other week a co-worker told her that the mother with the bell bottom pants (me) was screaming and that the boy had passed. In tears, Lorna says she had cried all day and all night. When she came and found us well she cried even more... tears of joy.

This solstice morning, we cried together. The profound love and care I feel from old friends, new friends, and people I don’t know and may never meet, is cracking my heart wider and wider open.

It is said that the crack is where the light gets in. May it be so! To all those being deeply cracked open in these times, I love you and care about you. And thank you immensely for loving us and our boy.

I can't believe its been a whole month since I posted an update here (you can always check my FB page for more regular posts). 

As of today we are back in the hospital for round three. We spent a wonderful week and a half of sweetness at home. It was SO good to be home — full of family and friends and rest and nourishment. Josh received an extraordinary package in the mail — a signed box set of vinyl albums from Coldpay — and it lit us all up. 

The end of the last round was really hard. Josh got a scary infection due to immunosuppression and we all realized exactly why he has to stay in the hospital post-chemo until his immune system counts recover. It was a sobering recognition of how unpredictable and immense this journey is. Being home was incredibly healing, and somehow felt much longer than a week and a half. We are grateful time seemed to stretch itself for us!

As we enter this next round, we are calling on the strength of our community. Last Friday night at the Superhero Ball benefit for Josh, a circle of heroes showed up in massive support. It was deeply moving, and even overwhelming at times, to feel so much love and care streaming towards us. I woke up the morning after the benefit feeling the wind under my wings and the strength to keep going. Josh felt it too.

Thank you to all of our people who danced and cried and laughed with us. Thank you to everyone who donated and volunteered to support us. It felt so good to be with you all. 

Back at the hospital, we are calling in the circle of all our beloveds to hold us now, feeling your hands at our backs and your hearts encircling us. Deep breaths. Deep bow.

Since I last wrote, we went home for two solid weeks. It was lots of things... including a reminder of what Josh is missing, and a chance to be normal-ish (hanging with friends, having his room all to himself, etc). We certainly had some challenging teenage and parenting-a-teenager moments, but overall it was SO good to be home. We slept a lot. By the end Josh was really feeling and acting totally normal.

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And then he had the bone marrow biopsy, and we found out... he was totally normal! He tested NEGATIVE for any leukemia in his bone marrow. Hallelujah! What this means is that he DOES NOT have to have a bone marrow transplant. As this had become one of my biggest fears (the path of treatment including transplant way more daunting) it was a huge relief.

However, these incredible, best-case-scenario results do not mean he gets any relief from the chemo track. We got back to the hospital on September 26th for the second of five total rounds of chemo. As of me writing this, we are almost halfway through, and Josh is doing pretty good. Food is not that easy, but his spirits are up. When the chemo cycle ends, we'll have to wait a few weeks in the hospital until his immune system rebuilds itself enough to go home. After a short rest, we'll start round three. 

This journey is certainly a test of endurance and of digging deep everyday. But at least now we can trust that we WILL get through this, without a doubt. These next six months will roll on by and this will all be but a radical, distant memory, having transformed and strengthened us in impossible to imagine ways. That I know.   

It’s been a month since we’ve been here in the hospital. Last night my dreams were filled with grief, perhaps reliving the shock of the beginnings of this journey, four incredibly long weeks ago. The waves of grief and fear come and go. When I’m with Josh, playing games, watching movies, sitting quietly nearby, I feel mostly ok. His resilience gives me strength.

We have been in between rounds of treatment and he’s been feeling pretty good. His appetite has returned and he is eating, drinking, moving around and resting well. We are awaiting his immune system to rebuild itself, and part of me is so excited to be able to take him home, and another part is terrified that he will have to come back shortly thereafter to do the second round of chemo. 

Everything I ever thought I knew about surrender is being tested. The vulnerability is so real and raw. The paradox of being so present and strong, and so humanly fragile. It’s all there. And the one thing I know, is that I love this kid with everything I am.

He’s truly amazing and the courage and calm with which he is facing this experience is wildly inspiring. Of all the amazing places I could be in the world right now, of all the incredible things I could be doing, I would never exchange these precious, simple moments of being right here, together.

Please keep sending your prayers our way. In a week or two Josh will have a biopsy that will tell us how effective the treatment has been. Please visualize TOTAL remission and  healthy, happy cells.

“Josh is liberated and healed. He is whole, happy and free in his physical, emotional, mental and spirit bodies. Light and love flood every cell of his being NOW, bringing unity and radiant, all-powerful life force to his body and his soul.”

Oh, and yes I cut my hair!

We journeyed out to the grass in front of the hospital to shave heads yesterday. Hair was starting to fall out and Josh was ready.

When I was pregnant with Josh, I dreamt of him, meeting what I refer to as "his essence." He had a lion's mane of hair and was radiating incredible joy. His hair has always been a big deal to him.

He let it go yesterday with as much courage and grace as he has faced this whole experience, taking selfies along the way and posting them to his instagram account. 

His dad and grandpa shaved theirs off too, and we've heard talk of others joining in the fun.

As for me, he's been begging for a while now for me to cut my hair short. I'm finally ready. Stay tuned for my new 'do!

We sure do love this kid. ♥️

Phew. We made it through the first round of chemo. It is so hard for me to even write that word. I never ever imagined I would be using it in conjunction with my kiddo. These last few days have been rough, but it seems likely that the worst is behind us (for now). Food has not been easy, so now it's time to rebuild and nourish up.

Nurse Nancy gave us a prescription for humor, so we've been watching funny movies and stand up. Laughter is good medicine. The grass outside the hospital is also good medicine. I've been getting my bare feet in it a couple times a days, and I hope to get Josh back out sooner than later.

This morning as I was sitting with my back against a sweet tree, Darren pointed out an amazing creature sharing the trunk with us. I've been hearing the blaring sound coming from this guy (or his friends) but this is the first time I've seen one fresh from shedding his exoskeleton.

Renewal.

I'm taking it as a good sign. 
Out with the old and in with the new.

It is a constant practice of letting go, and remembering gratitude. Letting go of the fear as it swells up, and giving thanks for the small things. And the big things.

Like this hospital, and the love and support of so many. For hot showers and essential oils. And tired smiles. For good food cooked with love by my people. For donations from blessed folks I know, and so many I don’t know. For remembering that this too shall pass.

If it moves you, light a candle for Josh, and say his mantra a few times everyday. And then say it for yourself and your loved ones.

"Josh is liberated and healed. 
He is whole, happy and free in his 
physical, emotional, mental and spirit bodies. 
Light and Love flood every cell of his being NOW, 
bringing Unity and radiant, all powerful life force 
to his body and soul."

Thank you for your support and love! ♥️

Josh is loved. He is surrounded and held by family, and the river of support and healing vibes flowing in means the world to us.

Today the principle, vice principle and counselor from Josh’s high school came to visit and reassured him that he will graduate with his class. He can take his advanced classes online, as his energy permits, and they’ve got his back through and through. 

Time feels different here. The days pass quickly with a steady stream of providers, medications and visitors passing each other in the revolving door of our room. The nights can be oh so long. It is surreal to think that the journey has only just begun. We have been here over a week now, and this strange, new life is sorta kinda starting to feel a little bit normal.

Josh has a few more days of this first round of intensive treatment. May the medicines he’s receiving work miraculously, optimally, above and beyond all expectation! Please hold this prayer with us!

Then he gets to rest here at the hospital for some time. Maybe we’ll be able to go home for a week before the next round begins? For now it is day by day, breath by breath. I am so grateful for my yoga and meditation practice, and even though I’m not getting on a mat or cushion right now, I’ve got it in my bones and healing mantras are on repeat.

Thank you doesn’t begin to express my gratitude to everyone donating, making meals and supporting with healing thoughts and prayers. ​

While I don’t have capacity to respond to everyone’s messages directly, each one brings a lift to my heart. So thank you for reaching out. This is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. We are in it to win it. Please keep the prayers and visualizations flowing and we’ll reach the finish line together.

"Josh is liberated and healed. He is whole, happy, and free in his physical, emotional, mental, and spirit bodies. Light and Love flood every cell of his being NOW, bringing unity and radiant, all powerful life force to his body and soul."

♥️

Our beloved Josh turned 15 this year. He excelled creatively, socially and academically, getting straight A's and was cast as one of only two freshmen in the Fairview High School play. He thrived and has grown into a fine young man who is loved by everyone who knows him.

In the beginning of August the unimaginable happened. After experiencing sudden weight loss and fatigue, we went to the doctor for blood work. Within hours, Josh was admitted to Children's Hospital Colorado, and on August 7th was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML).

He has begun the first of several intensive treatments of chemotherapy which will go on for at least six months while he lives mostly at the hospital. Needless to say we are all completely overwhelmed and exhausted, though Josh is facing this journey with incredible courage.

It is hard to communicate how I am feeling.... My mama bear is in full effect and I will do everything to nurture my boy back to health. We have an amazing team of doctors that are fully dedicated to healing Josh. We are surrounded by loving family. And the messages of support from you have warmed our hearts beyond words. Thank you so much.

Our focus and presence needs to be 1000% with Josh. The impact of our situation on finances is immense, and I am trying to wrap my head around the needs and costs, both medically and practically. 

I never thought we would be in this position but at this time, I am asking you, our community to help support us as we work on healing Josh. 

With infinite gratitude,
Dayna